


nothing you can say

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The music is different.  It's subtle; Ray doubts anyone in the audience even notices.  Doubts that anyone in the <i>band</i> notices, but after so many years of hearing Mikey's fingers on the strings, he can tell that it's not-Mikey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing you can say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [argentumlupine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumlupine/gifts).



> Written in honor of Argentumlupine's birthday, from her prompt of _5x the band misses Mikey when he's on hiatus_ , and podficced by the awesome Andeincascade, who also served at beta. Title from _Famous Last Words_ by My Chemical Romance.
> 
> Available in [mp3](http://www.mediafire.com/?c6a5s1iuw43h3y4) or [audiobook](http://www.mediafire.com/?uakz8r9a7n4vkgn) formats.
> 
> Happy birthday, sweetie!
> 
> I watched a lot of kids playing the bass parts of various My Chem songs and listened to the Black Parade on repeat while writing this. The bit about Frank jumping into the crowd at Barcelona actually happened and the footage is fucking hysterical. And of course, Mikey coming back to play in NJ.

1\. April 14th, Houston, Texas

Ray can feel it in his bones and against his skin, the weight of Mikey's absence. There's a negative space between Gerard and Frank and as they play, Ray feels it in his heart, too.

The music is different. It's subtle; Ray doubts anyone in the audience even notices. Doubts that anyone in the _band_ notices, but after so many years of hearing Mikey's fingers on the strings, he can tell that it's not-Mikey. 

It should feel like a gaping hole, but Matt's good, Matt's a friend and he fills the space, takes it and makes it his own because he's a performer, too. He tries his best, and Ray feels bad for missing Mikey, because Matt is here.

He watches Gerard for a moment, the way he's carefully focused on the audience, and Ray can see that he's trying _not_ to watch Matt out of the corner of his eye. Mikey has been there, in Gerard's peripheral vision, always, always and now he's not.

Frank is more subdued that usual and that's a telling sign to Ray. Because Frank loves being on stage, just as much as Gerard, and he's usually relentlessly energetic. Not tonight. Bob's a rock, though, steady and solid behind them and Ray is grateful for it.

After the reverb from the last song dies away, they file off stage and Gerard holds out his arms and flaps his hands in the "group hug" gesture. Matt hangs back for a second, but Frank has the same idea as Ray and they pull him forward. They press together, close, hot and sweaty and smelly, trembling with the remnants of their adrenaline high.

"Good—" Ray has to clear his throat, swallow past the tightness. "Good show tonight." 

2\. April 17st, on the road

Frank punches his pillow, frustrated. It's four in the morning and he needs to sleep, desperately, but all he does is toss and turn in his bunk. It's been like this for the last three days and he's so fucking _done_. He's kept himself going with cigarettes, caffeine and sugar, but he's flipped past the giddiness of chemically-wired exhaustion into something that leaves him feeling gritty-eyed and old.

The bunk is too small; Frank feels the panic in his blood, stirring sluggishly, like it's just as tired as he is. He rolls over onto his back and pushes at the ceiling, palms flat against the surface. It's too much, he's going crazy, he needs—

"Frank."

He clenches his teeth and ignores Gerard's whisper. He can pretend to sleep and eventually Gerard will give up and leave him alone.

"Frankie."

Gerard's voice is soft and gentle, like he realizes how close to the edge Frank is. Frank doesn't want to be soothed, or comforted. He just wants to fucking _sleep_.

"I miss him, too."

It breaks him. Frank bites his lip so hard he can taste blood and his hands are fisted against the ceiling and he's shaking, gasping for air and he can't fight Gerard off when he slides into Frank's bunk and pulls him close.

3\. May 21st, Seattle, Washington

Gerard misses Mikey. It's the first time since he went off to college that they've spent a significant amount of time apart and he finds that there's this—this emptiness that Mikey usually occupies and fills with his personality, wry and funny and _known_.

He finds himself constantly turning toward Mikey, intent on sharing some thought or memory or stupid joke and there's this moment of disconnect, where Gerard's brain can't seem to process Mikey's absence and his heart beats out a rapid tattoo of _gone gone gone_ and it steals his breath away, like a punch to the gut. 

Time starts up again. Gerard takes a deep breath and wonders how much more of this he can take.

4\. June 26th, Barcelona, Spain

Bob ducks his head for a second and when he looks back up, Frank crosses the stage, bouncing and swinging his guitar around like he's fucking dancing with it. He brushes past Gerard and stands by Ray, who is headbanging his way through the end of _Not Okay_ , hair and sweat flying.

They're running up to the crescendo and Bob's thinking about the transition into _Cemetery_ when he sees Frank _throw himself into the fucking crowd_. He looks accusingly at Mikey, because it's part of Mikey's job to keep Frank from doing stupid things like jumping off stage and it takes a few stunned seconds for his brain to realize that Mikey's _not_ there. 

"Fuck," he mutters, and starts the intro, watching as the pissed-off security people first fish Frank's guitar, then Frank himself, out of the screaming audience. Once he's back on stage, Frank grins and ducks his head, letting his hair fall into his face as he marches around the stage to the beat. Gerard's stalling and making frantic "stretch it out" gestures and Frank takes his time getting his guitar settled back around his neck and joining the song.

Bob's gonna fucking kill him. And Mikey too, when they get him back, because this would never have happened if Mikey was here, where he belongs. On stage with his fucking band.

5\. August 29th, Holmdel, New Jersey

He's nervous, of course he is. It's the first time he's been on stage in months and he's outta practice and the guys have been playing Projekt Rev for a month and a half and they're fucking _solid_. Gerard's talking about summer jams and then "—very special fucking guest—" and suddenly he's out on stage and Frank bumps him, grin stretched wide across his stupid face.

"—my brother, Mikey fucking Way—"

The spotlight blinds him and he can _feel_ the roar of the crowd, a surge of energy, and it's good, being back on stage. Frank kicks at the back of his leg and Gerard's whipping the crowd into a frenzy; nothing has changed. Ray smiles happily, Mikey nods back and Bob drives them into the opening of _Not Okay_. He never gets tired of this song and hearing the kids screaming the words along with Gerard.

The band plays and the music thrums through him and he can't believe it's so easy, it's like he never left. He needed the break; since the Paramour, he's learned to take better care of himself. He finally understands that he's important, too.

"Back to back, Mikeyway, back to back!" Gerard shouts and it's where he belongs, back to back with his brother, and his band.

He's not quite done with his hiatus; he's promised himself a little more time and it makes this show a little bittersweet. But it won't be long before he'll be back for good and the ache of missing them will finally heal.

-fin-

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] nothing you can say](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2850617) by [Andeincascade (Ande)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ande/pseuds/Andeincascade)




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